


Assets

by Whymsical



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, Nothing too explicit though, actually i'm really not, al and art argue about something stupid, btt are there to settle it, it's A Ride from start to finish, it's an abomination i'm so sorry, little bit of language and sexual references, this is like 2k words of pure...something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 16:28:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whymsical/pseuds/Whymsical
Summary: Arthur and Alfred get into an...interesting argument. They need some help to solve it and prove who comes out on top. USUK + the BTT, because I love their interactions.-----“Amazing, you’ve become blind even while wearing your glasses, love. Clearly, you’re mistaken,” Arthur said, examining the mirror before him.“Funny you say that, I was just gonna comment how your streak of being completely wrong reached a new record. Are you sure we’re looking at the same thing?” Alfred smiled sweetly over at him.“Can’t miss it,” Arthur muttered.“Are you calling me fat?”Arthur fluttered his eyelashes. “Of course not.”“Ass.”“Mmm, and mine’s better.”





	Assets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [triruntu](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=triruntu).



> Blame Mandy (@triruntu on tumblr) for this.
> 
> I have no regrets. : D

“Amazing, you’ve become blind even while wearing your glasses, love. _Clearly_ , you’re mistaken,” Arthur said, examining the mirror before him.

“Funny you say that, I was just gonna comment how your streak of being _completely_ wrong reached a new record. Are you sure we’re looking at the same thing?” Alfred smiled sweetly over at him.

“Can’t miss it,” Arthur muttered.

“Are you calling me fat?”

Arthur fluttered his eyelashes. “Of course not.”

“Ass.”

“Mmm, and mine’s better.”

“Is it?” Alfred made a show of looking around. “I can’t seem to find it anywhere.”

“One, that’s not the tune you were playing last night.” Arthur crossed his arms and popped out a hip. “And two, like I said, blind.”

“That pose isn’t helping, you know. And speaking of last night, you couldn’t keep your hands off mine.” Alfred looked at him through the mirror and slowly ran a hand over the curve of his ass, clad in light blue skinny jeans. “C’mon, you can’t look at this and say it’s not the best.”

“Oh, I’m not denying that it’s good.” Green eyes followed the motions. “But the best? That might be a stretch. It’s basic. Half the city has an ass like that. It’s not always ‘bigger is better’.”

“Literally everyone thinks bigger is better when it comes to asses.” Alfred huffed. “You’re just saying that cuz you have a washboard back there.”

“Wh- Excuse you! It’s not a _washboard_!” Arthur scowled and turned to the side, showing off the gentle curves. “It’s delicate! Finely proportioned!”

Alfred snickered. “Now you sound like a princess or somethin’. What’ll it be next, ‘well-bred’? So maybe it’s not completely flat, but it’s still all bones and angles. Nothing like this.” Alfred patted his own ass again. “This is _nice_. Juicy.”

“Oh dear God, never call your ass ‘juicy’ again. I nearly died of second-hand embarrassment just then.”

“We’re alone.”

“That’s even worse, you know.” Arthur examined his reflection critically and tsked. “It’s the trousers- give me a moment.”

He vanished into their closet and rummaged around for a few minutes, giving a soft ‘aha’ of triumph once he’d pulled something from the very back. When he emerged a few minutes after that, slightly ruffled, he was wearing nothing but black leather trousers that hugged him like a second skin. He practically sauntered over to the mirror and crouched down for a moment, stretching the leather over his legs and ass even more. A smirk spread over his lips as he watched Alfred’s reactions.

Alfred had to look away from him after only a few seconds. “I mean it’s a little bit better…” he said, his voice slightly strained.

“A little bit better? Darling, you’re practically drooling. It’s alright to admit you were wrong, you know,” Arthur cooed to him.

Cheeks flushed but refusing to give in, Alfred stomped off into the closet too. He was out in less time than Arthur, and he’d lost his shirt as well so the only thing he had on him was a pair of very ripped booty shorts. He stared smugly at Arthur as he stepped in front of the mirror and flipped a lamp on. Rainbows sparkled against the walls as the light reflected off the holographic sequin ‘NASTY’ sewn onto the back of them.

Arthur raised his eyes skyward. “Really? Those?”

“You can’t knock ‘em; you were the one who made ‘em for me.”

“It’s precisely for that reason that I _can_ knock them. It’s my abomination, so I can rip into it as much as I please.”

Alfred smirked. “Oh please, you’d love to rip into them, eh? Patience, babe, we still haven’t settled this yet.”

Heat shot up into Arthur’s cheeks and he reached out to smack Alfred’s shoulder. “Shut up. And between my sleek black leather and your mistake before God, I think we have a clear winner.”

“Nope.”

“Yes.”

“Naw.”

“ _Yes_ , Alfred.”

“Not a chance in hell, sweetheart.” Alfred winked. “Plus, if you take into account thighs too, you lose even more. Look at these babies.” He spread his legs and sank low towards the ground, flexing his thigh muscles.

Arthur snorted and tried to keep his arousal down. “Lose even more? I think not. My legs are far more shapely.”

“…And now you sound like some stuffy lord.”

“You’re more than welcome to be my servant if you wish,” Arthur murmured, an eyebrow rising. “Or perhaps you’d like me to pose for you, like they did for paintings?”

“That’d be one sinful painting, with you in those pants.” Alfred whistled.

“See? I’m glad you agree with me, then.” Arthur preened. “That’s that matter settled.”

“Wait, no, that is not that matter settled! I said it’d be a sinful painting, not that your ass was better than mine! Which. It isn’t.”

They stared each other down for a few moments, arms crossed over their chests. Finally, Arthur sighed and walked over to his phone. “Fine. I suppose it’s time to get a second opinion.”

“BTT?”

Arthur took in a breath. “BTT,” he eventually agreed, sending off a text.

Alfred laughed. “Come on, we’re not going to war.”

“Are you sure about that?” Arthur’s eyebrows shot up.

Instead of replying, Alfred just stalked forward, dragging his eyes slowly over Arthur’s body. A smirk spread over his face as Arthur backed up against the wall, widening when the Brit’s phone dropped from his fingers. Alfred didn’t break eye contact as he placed his hands on the wall on either side of Arthur’s head.

“And just what are you doing?” Arthur asked quietly.

“Just getting a closer look. Who knows, maybe that’ll change my mind.” Alfred grinned as he started sliding his hands down closer to Arthur’s hips.

“Is that so?” Arthur looked amused as he glanced between the inches of empty air between them. “You’re _awfully_ close.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Not at all.”

“Good.” Alfred flipped him, one hand moving to the small of Arthur’s back and pressing him into the wall.

“I didn’t realize this was a hands-on inspection.”

“Mmm, yep.” The hand moved to cup one of Arthur’s cheeks, his fingers digging into the soft flesh there. “Weren’t you wearing these when we first met?”

“I was. I didn’t think you remembered.” Arthur allowed his eyes to close as he leaned into the touch.

“How could I forget this sight? You were so hot. Though getting you out of them took like, forever.”

They both laughed.

“I think you almost dislocated my hip at one point,” Arthur teased, letting out a soft moan as Alfred’s grip tightened.

“I was in a hurry,” Alfred mumbled, glad that Arthur couldn’t see his reddened face. He brought his other hand to Arthur’s ass as well, and moved them both down to trace the line of his thighs.

“Mhm.” Arthur allowed the touches to go on for another few seconds before turning around again. “Now, let me inspect you.”

Alfred grinned as he allowed himself to be positioned. “Be as thorough as you want, Art.”

“I intend to be.”

Arthur didn’t hesitate as he seized Alfred’s ass in his hands and squeezed. He could feel Alfred’s skin in a few places because of the rips in the booty shorts, and the sequins dug into his palms. He smiled when Alfred gasped and let his head fall against the wall, and gently massaged the plump flesh.

“A-Art-”

“Hmm?” Arthur let go and grazed his nails down the back of Alfred’s thighs. He smiled as he watched goosebumps appear in the wake of his touch.

“Feels- ah, nice…”

“I’m glad, love.” Arthur stared at the sequined word and couldn’t help chuckling as he traced it. “You really do like these, don’t you?”

“Hell yeah.” Alfred twisted his upper half around a bit to shoot Arthur a grin. “Best present ever.”

“Shut up.”

“Really. And knowing that you spent hours and hours sewing that on? Aww.” Alfred yelped as his ass was smacked, though he couldn’t help a few snickers escaping; he’d seen the red creeping up Arthur’s ears.

“Since when have the two of you become such exhibitionists?” a voice asked from the doorway. Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert stood in it, all of them with varying degrees of amusement on their faces.

While Alfred jumped and flushed, Arthur didn’t bat an eye. “It’s not exhibitionism if it’s in our flat. You could have knocked, you know.” He gave Alfred’s ass a final squeeze as he up.

“Could have, didn’t bother.” Gilbert waved a hand. His eyes raked up and down Arthur’s body. “Wow, I didn’t know you could still fit into those.”

“It did take longer than I remembered, but well worth the effort, I think.” Arthur smirked and turned around to show them the view. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

The trio nodded appreciatively.

“Yeah, okay, but check mine out.” Alfred pulled away from the wall and spun to display himself.

“Oh my,” Francis said mildly.

Gilbert snorted. “Where the hell did you get those?”

“Arthur made ‘em for me!”

“Oh my _God_ -” The albino held his sides and had to grip onto Antonio’s shoulder to keep upright as he laughed. “Really?”

Arthur sniffed. “It was a gag gift.”

“They’re very nice,” Antonio offered sincerely.

Alfred beamed. “Thanks, man!”

“So uh.” Francis looked between the two of them. “Why exactly are we here? You two seem to be…busy with each other.”

“Not that this trip hasn’t already been worth it just for that,” Gilbert said, gesturing at the booty shorts.

“Alfred and I need you to settle something for us. Come here.” Arthur grabbed Alfred’s shoulder and spun him around so he was facing away from the trio, then moved to stand next to him. “Which one of us has the better ass?”

They held still as the trio started whispering behind them, then stepped forward for a closer look. Arthur caught Alfred’s eye and smirked at him, while Alfred just rolled his eyes in return. Since the pair of them were stood in the centre of the room, after a few minutes Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert stepped around them so they were all face to face.

“Well?” Alfred asked. “It’s me, right?”

“Mmm, nope.” Gilbert grinned.

“Hah!” Arthur turned to Alfred and poked his bicep. “Take that!”

“It’s not you either, Arthur,” Francis cut in.

Confusion bloomed over Arthur and Alfred’s faces. “It’s not?” Arthur asked, blinking. “That’s not possible. You have to pick!”

“Sorry, we don’t make the rules.” Gilbert shrugged. “Neither of you have the best ass. That honour goes to Antonio. Toni, show ‘em.”

Antonio stepped forward, then frowned. “Alfred, may I borrow your shorts? The ones you have on.”

Though he still looked confused, Alfred nodded. “Sure, come with me.”

They vanished into the closet together. Alfred emerged first, in the jeans from earlier and still no shirt. He retook his spot next to Arthur and shot the Brit a curious look, but only received a shrug in return. Antonio stepped out two minutes later, also having taken off his shirt, and when he was level with Francis and Gilbert, spun around. Instantly, Francis and Gilbert each dropped to one knee and gestured to his ass with their hands.

“Ta-da!”

“Oh, I see,” Alfred and Arthur murmured simultaneously.

Gilbert cackled.

“So you see?” Francis said, his voice kind. “There really is no competition. You put up a valiant effort, but Toni puts us all to shame.”

“It’s the dancing,” Antonio put in, looking over his shoulder cheerfully. He then brightened. “Hey, take a picture of me? I want to show Lovi! I bet he’d love this!” He posed while Francis snapped a few pictures. “Arthur, these are fantastic! Do you think you’d be able to make me a pair?”

Still slightly dazed, Arthur only nodded.

“Thank you! I’ll let you decide what to put on the back!” He skipped off back into the closet to change.

Francis and Gilbert turned shark-like smiles onto Arthur. “What about us?”

Shaking himself, Arthur gave them a flat stare in return. “What about you?”

“Make us each a pair too?”

It was scary, sometimes, how in sync any given members of the BTT could be. Arthur sighed. “Might as well, since apparently this is a business now.” He flicked Alfred’s forehead. “Oi. Snap out of it now.”

Alfred blinked a few times and grinned. “I bet if you did make a business out of it, it’d take off.”

“Yeah, no.” Arthur rolled his eyes, but gave him a quick kiss on the forehead.

Alfred’s arms immediately snaked around his neck to hold him close. “Pity. But maybe that’s better, then ours will be special.”

“Heh, is that so?”

“Yeah.” Alfred pulled them flush against each other and pressed his forehead to Arthur’s. His hands started slowly wandering southwards. “You know…”

“Hmm?”

“Even though Toni’s got the best ass outta all of us, I still like yours best,” he whispered as his hands settled over it again.

Arthur crooned and buried his face in the crook of Alfred’s neck as his own hands settled on the American’s hips. “That’s sweet, Al. And lucky for you, I like yours best as well.” His fingertips slid beneath the waist of Alfred’s jeans, but he held himself back from anything else for the moment.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I’m glad…”

Antonio, who had emerged from the closet again, took one look at the pair of them and grinned. “Mario Kart?” he whispered to the other two.

“Yep. Something tells me they’re gonna get real exhibitionist in a second.” Gilbert snickered and started for the door.

“You know where they keep the system, right?” Francis murmured.

“Yeah, no worries. And we can drag ‘em out for drinks or something when they’re done.” With one last look at the pair, Gilbert shut the door to their bedroom. “Best ass or not, Toni, I’ll whip it on Rainbow Road.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

 

Months later, for Christmas, the BTT each got a pair of matching embroidered booty shorts. ‘JUICY’ for Antonio, ‘BITCH 1’ for Francis, and ‘BITCH 2’ for Gilbert. Arthur told himself he didn’t regret his decision no matter how many pictures went up on social media.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it lol
> 
> BTT live in the same apartment building, which is how they got there so quickly.


End file.
